“I am originally from way up North, been living in Texas for the past 11 years. It's warmer here, and I realized this past year that us yankees do have an accent”
Finding the love of your life -- that is your goal and ours when you enter into a partnership with us to find your special someone! Our part in the partnership is to provide you with as many highly-compatible matches to communicate with as possible. Your part is to help us refine our search for you with your Matching Preferences and to communicate with your matches.
Most likely, you came to eHarmony with ideas about the type of match who would be the one. The truth is no one knows who your special match will be -- where they live, what they look like, or what type of life they’re leading -- until the two of you are matched and learn about each other by communicating through our site.
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So to make sure that you’re getting the most from your eHarmony search, I’d like you to consider if you have any “No Ways” that are keeping you from finding that person.
Using eHarmony: “NO WAYS” WHICH CAN AFFECT THE AMOUNT OF MATCHES YOU RECEIVE
• DISTANCE: Even if a previous long-distance relationship didn’t work out, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a long-distance relationship with the right person. And though you may have limitations regarding travelling or relocating, it’s possible a match won’t. But you can’t find that out unless you are willing to receive the match and discuss the situation.
• MATCH CAN’T SMOKE AND/OR DRINK: Because health issues are involved with both of these habits, if you feel strongly that you don’t want to be matched with anyone who smokes and/or drinks, we don’t want to talk you out of that choice. However, upon further consideration, some members do decide that they’d be willing to receive a highly-compatible match if they strictly limit the habit of concern and handle it responsibly.
• MATCH MUST BE YOUNGER BECAUSE I’M YOUTHFUL FOR MY AGE: Even if you believe the majority of matches older than you may not be “youthful enough,” don’t miss out on the opportunity to meet someone who’s an exception to the rule, just like you.
“NO WAYS” WHICH CAN AFFECT YOUR DECISION TO COMMUNICATE
• MY MATCH MUST LOOK A CERTAIN WAY: Being attracted to your partner is important. But remember you came to eHarmony seeking a long-term, successful relationship, and the attractiveness of one’s partner is not a factor proven to predict and sustain such relationships. Every match you receive is compatible with you based on those proven factors.
You’re encouraged to trust the process and communicate with matches who may not fit your usual physical requirements. After all, attraction is not just about physical looks. We’ve all heard of charisma! If you give yourself a chance, you may be happily surprised that a match’s sense of humor, caring nature, energy, or other internal qualities are very attractive, and someone you wouldn’t usually considered your type is, in fact, the one!
MY MATCHES OCCUPATION MUST BE… OR CAN’T BE… It’s common to make assumptions about a match’s level of education or lifestyle based on their occupation. But are those assumptions hampering your success by automatically keeping you from communicating with a match? A match’s occupation may not require a degree, but it doesn’t mean they don’t have one. By communicating, you can find out more about their education or future aspirations. Also, assumptions about a match’s level of income can lead to faulty assumptions regarding their spending habits. A match who earns a modest income but lives within their means and manages their money wisely may actually be in better fiscal shape than a match who makes more money but manages it poorly.
So you can have the best chance finding your special match, I hope you’ll take time to consider if you have any “No Ways” keeping you from finding the love of your life. If you’d like to comment on any “No Ways” I have listed or share others you may have or feel are worth considering, please share your thoughts.
Hi ceruleangirl,
First of all, if you know you wouldn't be happy with someone who has children, I in no way want to budge you from this decision. :)
My article is meant only to encourage members to re-evaluate a No Way preference to make sure it actually is. If it isn't, expanding that particular preference will help the member receive more matches -- increasing their chance of finding their special match. But if it is, we wouldn't want them to compromise this preference because that wouldn't best support their success.
Since I responded to lucky2cope and others regarding the children preference, we started posting a monthly Product Team Feedback thread at the top of the Using eHarmony forum. So if you would also like more options for this prefrences, I encourage you to share this with our Product Team. You may also want to share your ideas regarding the religious preference options.
The July thread isn't up yet, but you can still access the June thread:
[URL]http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/using-eharmony/41083-singles-product-feedback-thread-june-2010-a.html[/URL]
You didn't mention how you identified your religious affiliation; but, since you are currently requesting only matches who are agnostic/atheist/spiritual but not religious, I'm assuming that you are either Neither religious or spiritual or Spiritual, but not religious.
If that is the case, I'm surprised to hear that you are being matched with members who identify themselves as being affiliated with a religion that is an important part of their life. Because in order for that to happen, they'd have to indicate that they would be open to meeting someone who is not religious, which I wouldn't think is often the case. But, I guess, there are always exceptions to the rule.
While providing all the preference options all our members would like isn't feasible, that doesn't mean some changes can't be made. But until then, regarding your matches' religious affiliation, I encourage you to be as inclusive as possible.
I think your success is better supported by doing this and closing matches whom you feel wouldn't be a good fit in this way than by having a more restrictive setting and missing out on meeting non-observant matches who may be a good fit in this area and others!
All the best.
-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
Couple of things...
First of all, I'm with lucky2cope in that there should be some way to select somewhere on the continuum for "have kids, but they don't live with me" - for some reason, even though I have "no way" selected for "have kids" and "want kids" (and sorry Renee, but that's not budging one bit... that is my #1 dealbreaker), the system keeps matching me with non-custodial dads. Why bother, since I'm just going to end up closing them out anyway since they... drum roll.... have kids?
The other thing is, I wish there was an easier way, with respect to religion, to specify that I would be open to non-observant religious men (that is, those that only attend services on Christmas/Easter/weddings/funerals/whatever, don't attend with any regularity, won't pressure me to attend services or convert, and don't do anything else with the religious realm). Right now, I see my only choices being to select "no preference" to the religion choices and try to weed through the matches to determine exactly what they mean by their selection, or keep it the way I have it currently set (which is selecting agnostic/atheist/spiritual but not religious and "very important") and continue to get matches that proclaim to be practicing religious/born again/whatever anyway. Again, I'm going to end up closing them out anyway, so why not head it off at the pass?
Dear pammersw,
Glad my explanation was understandable! :)
Often when you broaden a matching preference(s), you will receive more matches than usual because matches, who were otherwise compatible with you but for the more restricted setting(s), can now be shared with you.
But, as I mentioned in my post, the amount of matches you receive depends, in part, on who joins our site on any given day, but it [I]also[/I] depends on matches who decide to broaden their preferences too. So there will always be an ebb and flow to the amount of matches you recieve, and, from time to time, there may still be some surges!
But no matter how many matches you are getting on any given day, overall you will still be getting [I]more[/I] matches than you would have if you hadn't broadened your preference(s).
I wish you all the best with your search.
-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
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